Another week's gone by. I don't remember what I did the rest of last week, nothing too interesting. I saw Tom finally on Friday, it was nice, I wasn't too drunk we had a pleasant time. Well, first he met me in the ghetto where I was with William and there was this tall skinny blonde bitch in there that was grabbing everyone's attention, the kind of girl who actually looks like a man but for some reason stupid men seem to be attracted to. William was drooling over her which I didn't mind so much but I knew that Tom would be when he came the fucking bastard. They were having some party in there, playing awful music, and we left to go to another bar after not too long.

I still haven't seen Tom since the last rampantly unsuccessful meeting. He's been sick, or at least claims to be, and hasn't been able to come out. Whatever, I'm not sure I believe it.

I made a film last Wednesday, student film nothing too big, I was there from 5:00 to 2 in the morning, and did this time lapse thing where I had to run in and out of the flat over and over again in fast motion. It was really tiring and difficult to do but I enjoyed and am glad to have done it. On Thursday I had improv and found out my character was in a coma, this is the storyline other cast members came up for me in my absence last week. On Saturday, I wasn't scheduled to be on originally which pissed me off because I wanted to come back after being absent, but someone ended up being sick so I was on. It was much more successful than any other one I'd done. I woke up out of the coma like I thought I was someone else and was in love with the Scottish caretaker. He made me do a lap dance. Bastard. Who am I kidding, I liked it, I thought it was fun. I'm glad to have done something actually good for once.

I went out with the cast and got drunk and stoned after the show, in the abscence of a fucking partner, my other friend Aaron was in Poland for the weekend. Sunday I spent most of the day blogging and recovering from hangover.

Yesterday was a totally shitty, sucky fucking horrible day. I woke up in William's flat, where I've been sleeping, but not having sex for most of the week. We coasted along doing a bit of work in the morning, then the fucking internet turned off. This is a big tragedy for us because we have an internet business and I am a blogger and an addict so it's especially bad for me to be internet-less. It was turned off because it was the first weekday of the month and the bill, which we haven't received in the mail hadn't been paid. These fuckers did the same thing a month ago, which was when we first started using the internet provider. Bunch of fucking knuckleheads, it was too late in the day to go and get it fixed then so we had to deal with it. And the water in his flat was all fucked up. I finally took a shower in the evening, put shampoo in my hair, soap all over myself, and fucking hot water fucking went fucking cold fuck it. I waited a while cold in the shower hoping it would come back, then I finally got out, sort of dried myself over all the soap and sat around in my towel. About 10 minutes later the hot water came on. What a pain in the fucking ass!  Then William called me and said he got a letter from some previous landlords that we sort kinda owe money though it's not as simple as it sounds, we're not the bad guys because they kind of screwed us over, and also our shithead roommate Jonathan fucked us out of a lot of money too. Needless to say, this was not news I wanted to hear.

And of course Tom the fucking Irish American dipshit asshead didn't bother to send one single fucking message to me all day. He's such a cheap bastard. He found out you can send sms over the internet for free and he only exclusively ever sends messages from the internet when he's at home. Dipshit!

Well I'm not pregnant, that's one thing. I thought I was, in fact I was almost sure I was. Maybe I was, I just had one of those spontaneous abortions, I hear they are pretty common. Anyway that's one less thing to worry about.

This deal with Tom, my sorta boyfriend is another thing. He seems fine with me but I'm still not happy about this saga. One reason is that I think he's still kind of angry with me and likes me a little, or a lot less than he did, which I don't like. He's sending me wierd messages and then doesn't get back to me when I reply to him. Another thing is I don't really want a boyfriend, and this little saga makes it seem more serious, like it's a relationship rather than just "seeing each other". Once you start forgiving people for shit and making an effort for them it starts to get wierd. I don't know if I want that, although I do like the guy and do want too see him still.

Shit, this is really boring. I started an anonymous blog so I could write about all my wild sex escapades, drunken drug binges, bitch about people I know and the other morally reprehensible things I get up to quite a lot, but it's sounding like a sad woman's whining about the men in her life and being in love and all that crazy shit. I think I have to end this "relationship" as he called it. So now it's all up to him. I'm going to be cool and if he insists on contacting me I'll see him. In the meantime I might see Aaron, the other guy I was fucking for a while, although now I have my period and it's kind of embarrassing to bleed all over someone when you fuck them, believe me I know.

I had a really shitty day. I was hungover for one thing, and had a headache that just wouldn't go away, and hardly any recollection of what happened after a certain point of last night.

I was in a place called Ghetta, which I refer to as the ghetto with William, my ex boyfriend, friend and business partner. I had been messaging Tom, who for want of a better description I will call my boyfriend although I'm not sure I can still say that, and he finally answered me sometime in the evening confused after a long nap wondering what time of day it was.

Well, me and W had some beers, then some guy in the bar started buying him vodka/orange mixes which they call a mixalot, he had a bunch of these, then I started having vodkas everytime they had a shot. This was the first time I'd really drunk much for a few days as I've been sick, but I was just about over that. William got a pizza, then Tom came and that's the bit I don't remember much after.

I woke up in the morning with a bad headache realising I didn't remember much, and Tom looked kind of pissed off with me, slightly, but he wouldn't tell me anything that I did. I vaguely remember saying some shit to him in the middle of the night thinking he was William, and him giving me a rather startled dismayed look, but other than that I remember nothing.

I came to work, William's place a little after he left and Will told me that I was real drunk, all over Tom and he looked kind of upset with that, so I figured I'd pissed him off. I sent a message in the morning and didn't get a reply to him all day. I had no idea whether it was because he was working or because he just didn't want to reply to me. I sent another message in the evening asking if this was the case and still no answer. William went out to our friend Heino's place and I stayed here moping and fucking around on the internet. Finally about 10pm I got a message, saying he was upset about last night but he still liked me and he'd write an email. I got the email about 30 minutes later, he said I was acting really badly and abusive last night and he almost took off on me but it was such a hassle to get home that he stayed at my place. Motherfucker. He said that I'm a totally different person when I'm drunk and he wants to see the "real" me still. I told him it was the real me and I get drunk all the time and I'm unable to control it, and if he's got a problem with that maybe we shouldn't see each other. I didn't get a reply to that yet, he probably hasn't seen it but who knows what he'll think, it's true, I'm a bitch, I'm a slut and I'm not going to stop being one because I seem to have acquired a boyfriend which is not something I wanted. Maybe he'll take my advice. I think it's for the best. I need to be single and free. It's not like I haven't been doing whatever I want anyway. There's a few more things about me that if he knew he really wouldn't like me, but then again maybe I told him some of that last night, I just don't remember. But he probably wouldn't like me anymore.

Enough whining. I'll see tomorrow what he thinks, if he doesn't want to deal with me there's plenty of other men out there who I can toy with and torture a little.

Welcome to my life.

I'm in my 30s, single, sort of and feeling kind of shit right now. I have a fever, I'm sniffling and I'm developing a headcold, feeling dizzy.

A little bit more about me. I drink too much, I work at home on the computer and spend a lot of my time blogging and browsing other blogs. I sort of kind of have a boyfriend who I'm not sure likes me that much, I still spend most of my time with my ex boyfriend who I work with and am still friends with. There was another guy that I was having sex with occasionally but I'm not sure if that's going to occur again.

I don't have any religious convictions, in fact I have no time for religion at all. This is not strictly true as I'm quite interested in the extremely crackpot religious as a source to make fun of. The mildly religious or spiritual I don't have a problem with.